Can we really train a clingy toddler? I've been pondering over this for the longest time. People are beginning to tell me that Emma's too clingy to me because I've allowed her to be, and at this ripe "old" age of one, she should transit to independence instead of clinging onto me. So does it mean I'd caused her to be clingy, and there's a problem with my parenting style? To be honest, I'm not pleased over this remark. I have a huge problem with this biasness towards parents with clingy kids. Why are people so quick to judge and jump into conclusion and point accusing fingers to parents with clingy toddlers? Is it really the parents' fault when they have clingy toddlers?
Yes, Emma's clingy to me. She'll wail and and cry when I'm out of her sight. I'll need to strap her onto her rocker or put her on the highchair facing the toilet whenever I need to go to the washroom. When the doorbell rings, she'll lunge towards me and cling on to me like a koala bear, refusing to let me answer the door without her on my hips. Whenever we're with strangers or in new environments, she'll hang on to me (or Roy) tightly, refusing to let them carry her even with great amount of coaxing. She's comfortable with only a few selected people, and thank God there're always grandma and grandpa when mommy needs to take a break or to run some errands without her.
From birth, she has been really sensitive and high-need and due to her slow weight gain from day 1, we've also been also trying our very best to feed her whenever she cries for it. It is especially challenging feeding her now as she is really picky and has a small appetite. With all these concerns in mind, I just can't possibly leave her alone whenever she cries or fusses - especially if she's wanting to eat - I'll most gladly drop what I'm doing just to feed her. My topmost priority now is to provide a safe and secure environment for her to grow healthily, and that may include attending to her needs promptly. Try being in my shoes for a couple of days and you'll know why I'm looking so drained nowadays. If my dear little Emma is chubby and eating fantastically well, I'll not hesitate to just leave her alone to cry for a while (not that I do not let her cry at all - that will be totally impossible if you're a stay at home mom with chores to do). To set the record straight, I do not jump to her rescue whenever she cries. I have no problem with her crying if I know she's just throwing her tantrums (look at post & video below).
I was initially suspicious that there's a problem with me and the way I parent Emma, BUT, after reading this article about clingy toddlers, I know I am not alone, and no, no, no, there is no problem with me or how I parent Emma. The problem lies with those who think clingy toddlers are a problem. So if I ignore any comments that I should start training my clingy baby girl, you'll know why. I love her just the way she is and I have no problem with her clinging on to me for now because I know that's how she shows her love to me.
5 comments:
Smile. :)
Don't be too upset ok!
At most, I come and help you pull her away! haha I expert! Do that all the time.
Comeon la, she faces only you the whole day...of course only cling on to you and roy la and she's still young! Give her time to let go. It's gonna be hard for both of you. But one day she's still has to learn to let go.
I really wished I opened my mouth to say something the other day...you have my promise that I will not stay silent in future.
Anyway, just want to encourage and affirm you that you are doing great. The fact that Emma is so comfortable with us proves one thing, you will reap the benefits as long as you respect her space.
[From Jas: sometimes as parents, it helps to be a little hard of hearing ;) ]
Every kid is different. Certain method might work for some kids but not others. Unless these people are in your shoes, whatever they say would have been based on some assumptions which may or may not be true. I believe some comments are spoken out of concern for you and hoping their "suggestions" could help but ultimately, YOU know best! :) That's why God entrust Emma to you. So, cheer up ok.
*ivy*
Hi Ade,
Parents know & understand their own kids BEST coz u were her main caregiver from day 1!
Who else can dear Emma look up to except u & Roy rite?
Try not to be too affected by the insensitive comments made by people who are quite ignorant.
Keep up the good work! Well done mummy & daddy! JIA YOU!! :)
(Hugs)
Till one has a high need child of his/her own, he/she will NEVER understand what parents with high need children go through.
I had similar comments with Jav. When Jav refused relatives and even strangers to touch/carry him, they would make curt remarks like why was your son so clingy.
I told them I had no problem that. He is a high need child and I know him better than others would. No apologies.
You are doing a fantastic job Ade! God, Roy and Emma know it best!
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