Frantic. Anxiousness. Fear. I guess these are probably the few most common emotions among many in this season. Many things seem to be heading down for the worst. A vicious cycle of bad financial climate that brought about reduced confidence and increased anxiousness, that further exacerbates the climate even more. I've to confess, while i'm no ardent stocks chaser (not that I've got the time to do so), i did feel a little unsettled and anxious over the non-ideal financial climate in the past few months.
Perhaps it's ok to feel that way for i'm still human. Well.. perhaps.. and perhaps… But i've been reminded that in doing so, i'm no different from the complaining impatient Israelites who clamoured (after just a short while into their sojourn in the wilderness in the Promised Land), and who decided to act (foolishly) according to their wisdom (or rather lack of). Phil 4:6-9 sums it all up, at least for me in not resorting to "knee-jerk" reactions, or to react without godly counsel. Whether the graphs in the markets go up or down, look up to the heavens! (Psalm 121)
Over the past few days, God's been impressing me through different instances about different things even as I sought Him in my season of transition this month.
1. I serve God. I work for God, for His kingdom purposes. (Col 3:16-17) Rewards that come with this service is something that cannot be measured by man’s imperfect and whimsical standards.
2. Where i am, especially in my work, is an ordinance by God. It's not just a job, it's a calling. And as I prepare for my next appointment this coming Thurs, the scale of the responsibility over the lives that are placed in my single pair of hands is just overwhelming. I’m looking forward to the challenge, but at the same time, I have this ambivalent feeling of inadequacy and “fear” of not doing a good job and in the process mess up hundreds of lives. This is going to stretch “See a potential, develop a potential” more into “see a potential in EVERY of the (200 plus) men and women under my charge, and develop EVERY one of them”. I know this pales in comparison to the challenge that Moses faced in leading the entire nation of Israel from Egypt into the Promised Land. But nonetheless, to me, this new appointment is a HUGE calling!
3. And with this, I’m reminded of Zech 4:6, that it’s by God’s grace and His spirit that will empower me, equip me with the necessary gifts to meet each and every challenge over this new season that I’m stepping into. I’m reminded also to not look at what's left in our hands, nor worry not abt what's not in our hands (Matt 6:25-34). But rather, look to the heavens (Psalm 121), look at what God of the impossible can do. I need faith… lots of it.. and strength to persevere the hardest and busiest of times… and wisdom to manage the time so that I don’t neglect my other calling as a husband and a father at home, and as a leader in ministry. Lots to handle.. to manage.. but I know I can, not because of my ability, but because of God’s ability to empower me to manage it all (Phil 4:13!), and I stand amazed at it. Simply blessed!
**** on my home front ****
Talk about blessed, Ade and I are just enjoying our moments with the little blessing that God entrusted us with since 16 Aug 2007... Emma Joy!
1. Much has been happening at home over the past few months. Emma's cruising a lot more now (yes yes, she's very wary and careful and isn't taking chances when it comes to walking, much like mommy when she was a baby.. heheh).
2. Emma's chatting a lot more now, talking in her own language, with those confident "as-a-matter-of-fact" facial expressions and vocal tones. Ade and I never fail to have a good laugh after playing "serious" with Emma, responding to her "as-a-matter-of-fact" chatters, as if we understood all that Emma was telling us, when in actual fact, we simply have no idea! hahaha...
3. Emma's responding a lot to our efforts to play with her. Peek-a-boo, love-love (which means hug), share (her "star" biscuit puffs).. just too much to describe, and I just can't find the words to describe the endearing moments, her cheekiness, playfulness... =P yes yes, she's very cheeky too! imitating us, e.g .sticking up her leg and shaking her finger, just as we always do when we shook our finger and said "no no, pls put down ur leg"!!
(Imitating Ade and I in "chiding" her)
4. But all these are taking a toll on Ade, who is now getting less and less rest (in terms of proper long sleep). Yet she's not complaining, nor did she give up (btw, her porridge is very tasty now!). She's one amazing mommy! I salute all mommies.. God bless mommies! =)
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