Can we really train a clingy toddler? I've been pondering over this for the longest time. People are beginning to tell me that Emma's too clingy to me because I've allowed her to be, and at this ripe "old" age of one, she should transit to independence instead of clinging onto me. So does it mean I'd caused her to be clingy, and there's a problem with my parenting style? To be honest, I'm not pleased over this remark. I have a huge problem with this biasness towards parents with clingy kids. Why are people so quick to judge and jump into conclusion and point accusing fingers to parents with clingy toddlers? Is it really the parents' fault when they have clingy toddlers?
Yes, Emma's clingy to me. She'll wail and and cry when I'm out of her sight. I'll need to strap her onto her rocker or put her on the highchair facing the toilet whenever I need to go to the washroom. When the doorbell rings, she'll lunge towards me and cling on to me like a koala bear, refusing to let me answer the door without her on my hips. Whenever we're with strangers or in new environments, she'll hang on to me (or Roy) tightly, refusing to let them carry her even with great amount of coaxing. She's comfortable with only a few selected people, and thank God there're always grandma and grandpa when mommy needs to take a break or to run some errands without her.
From birth, she has been really sensitive and high-need and due to her slow weight gain from day 1, we've also been also trying our very best to feed her whenever she cries for it. It is especially challenging feeding her now as she is really picky and has a small appetite. With all these concerns in mind, I just can't possibly leave her alone whenever she cries or fusses - especially if she's wanting to eat - I'll most gladly drop what I'm doing just to feed her. My topmost priority now is to provide a safe and secure environment for her to grow healthily, and that may include attending to her needs promptly. Try being in my shoes for a couple of days and you'll know why I'm looking so drained nowadays. If my dear little Emma is chubby and eating fantastically well, I'll not hesitate to just leave her alone to cry for a while (not that I do not let her cry at all - that will be totally impossible if you're a stay at home mom with chores to do). To set the record straight, I do not jump to her rescue whenever she cries. I have no problem with her crying if I know she's just throwing her tantrums (look at post & video below).
I was initially suspicious that there's a problem with me and the way I parent Emma, BUT, after reading this article about clingy toddlers, I know I am not alone, and no, no, no, there is no problem with me or how I parent Emma. The problem lies with those who think clingy toddlers are a problem. So if I ignore any comments that I should start training my clingy baby girl, you'll know why. I love her just the way she is and I have no problem with her clinging on to me for now because I know that's how she shows her love to me.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tantrums.. and the Dancing Princess...
someone's fussing cos mommy refused to let her touch mommy's iBook G4.. =P but note the classic change in facial expression and temperament when she figured out she didn't need mommy in order to get to the iBook G4 herself..
btw, she refused her own "toy" (mommy's old spoilt iBook that's on the coffee table while she was fussing)
here's little Emma dancing to the tune of "Hello Kitty" theme song.. =)
btw, she refused her own "toy" (mommy's old spoilt iBook that's on the coffee table while she was fussing)
here's little Emma dancing to the tune of "Hello Kitty" theme song.. =)
Monday, October 13, 2008
reflections.. and updates...
*** on my personal front ****
Frantic. Anxiousness. Fear. I guess these are probably the few most common emotions among many in this season. Many things seem to be heading down for the worst. A vicious cycle of bad financial climate that brought about reduced confidence and increased anxiousness, that further exacerbates the climate even more. I've to confess, while i'm no ardent stocks chaser (not that I've got the time to do so), i did feel a little unsettled and anxious over the non-ideal financial climate in the past few months.
Perhaps it's ok to feel that way for i'm still human. Well.. perhaps.. and perhaps… But i've been reminded that in doing so, i'm no different from the complaining impatient Israelites who clamoured (after just a short while into their sojourn in the wilderness in the Promised Land), and who decided to act (foolishly) according to their wisdom (or rather lack of). Phil 4:6-9 sums it all up, at least for me in not resorting to "knee-jerk" reactions, or to react without godly counsel. Whether the graphs in the markets go up or down, look up to the heavens! (Psalm 121)
Over the past few days, God's been impressing me through different instances about different things even as I sought Him in my season of transition this month.
1. I serve God. I work for God, for His kingdom purposes. (Col 3:16-17) Rewards that come with this service is something that cannot be measured by man’s imperfect and whimsical standards.
2. Where i am, especially in my work, is an ordinance by God. It's not just a job, it's a calling. And as I prepare for my next appointment this coming Thurs, the scale of the responsibility over the lives that are placed in my single pair of hands is just overwhelming. I’m looking forward to the challenge, but at the same time, I have this ambivalent feeling of inadequacy and “fear” of not doing a good job and in the process mess up hundreds of lives. This is going to stretch “See a potential, develop a potential” more into “see a potential in EVERY of the (200 plus) men and women under my charge, and develop EVERY one of them”. I know this pales in comparison to the challenge that Moses faced in leading the entire nation of Israel from Egypt into the Promised Land. But nonetheless, to me, this new appointment is a HUGE calling!
3. And with this, I’m reminded of Zech 4:6, that it’s by God’s grace and His spirit that will empower me, equip me with the necessary gifts to meet each and every challenge over this new season that I’m stepping into. I’m reminded also to not look at what's left in our hands, nor worry not abt what's not in our hands (Matt 6:25-34). But rather, look to the heavens (Psalm 121), look at what God of the impossible can do. I need faith… lots of it.. and strength to persevere the hardest and busiest of times… and wisdom to manage the time so that I don’t neglect my other calling as a husband and a father at home, and as a leader in ministry. Lots to handle.. to manage.. but I know I can, not because of my ability, but because of God’s ability to empower me to manage it all (Phil 4:13!), and I stand amazed at it. Simply blessed!
**** on my home front ****
Talk about blessed, Ade and I are just enjoying our moments with the little blessing that God entrusted us with since 16 Aug 2007... Emma Joy!
1. Much has been happening at home over the past few months. Emma's cruising a lot more now (yes yes, she's very wary and careful and isn't taking chances when it comes to walking, much like mommy when she was a baby.. heheh).
2. Emma's chatting a lot more now, talking in her own language, with those confident "as-a-matter-of-fact" facial expressions and vocal tones. Ade and I never fail to have a good laugh after playing "serious" with Emma, responding to her "as-a-matter-of-fact" chatters, as if we understood all that Emma was telling us, when in actual fact, we simply have no idea! hahaha...
3. Emma's responding a lot to our efforts to play with her. Peek-a-boo, love-love (which means hug), share (her "star" biscuit puffs).. just too much to describe, and I just can't find the words to describe the endearing moments, her cheekiness, playfulness... =P yes yes, she's very cheeky too! imitating us, e.g .sticking up her leg and shaking her finger, just as we always do when we shook our finger and said "no no, pls put down ur leg"!!
Frantic. Anxiousness. Fear. I guess these are probably the few most common emotions among many in this season. Many things seem to be heading down for the worst. A vicious cycle of bad financial climate that brought about reduced confidence and increased anxiousness, that further exacerbates the climate even more. I've to confess, while i'm no ardent stocks chaser (not that I've got the time to do so), i did feel a little unsettled and anxious over the non-ideal financial climate in the past few months.
Perhaps it's ok to feel that way for i'm still human. Well.. perhaps.. and perhaps… But i've been reminded that in doing so, i'm no different from the complaining impatient Israelites who clamoured (after just a short while into their sojourn in the wilderness in the Promised Land), and who decided to act (foolishly) according to their wisdom (or rather lack of). Phil 4:6-9 sums it all up, at least for me in not resorting to "knee-jerk" reactions, or to react without godly counsel. Whether the graphs in the markets go up or down, look up to the heavens! (Psalm 121)
Over the past few days, God's been impressing me through different instances about different things even as I sought Him in my season of transition this month.
1. I serve God. I work for God, for His kingdom purposes. (Col 3:16-17) Rewards that come with this service is something that cannot be measured by man’s imperfect and whimsical standards.
2. Where i am, especially in my work, is an ordinance by God. It's not just a job, it's a calling. And as I prepare for my next appointment this coming Thurs, the scale of the responsibility over the lives that are placed in my single pair of hands is just overwhelming. I’m looking forward to the challenge, but at the same time, I have this ambivalent feeling of inadequacy and “fear” of not doing a good job and in the process mess up hundreds of lives. This is going to stretch “See a potential, develop a potential” more into “see a potential in EVERY of the (200 plus) men and women under my charge, and develop EVERY one of them”. I know this pales in comparison to the challenge that Moses faced in leading the entire nation of Israel from Egypt into the Promised Land. But nonetheless, to me, this new appointment is a HUGE calling!
3. And with this, I’m reminded of Zech 4:6, that it’s by God’s grace and His spirit that will empower me, equip me with the necessary gifts to meet each and every challenge over this new season that I’m stepping into. I’m reminded also to not look at what's left in our hands, nor worry not abt what's not in our hands (Matt 6:25-34). But rather, look to the heavens (Psalm 121), look at what God of the impossible can do. I need faith… lots of it.. and strength to persevere the hardest and busiest of times… and wisdom to manage the time so that I don’t neglect my other calling as a husband and a father at home, and as a leader in ministry. Lots to handle.. to manage.. but I know I can, not because of my ability, but because of God’s ability to empower me to manage it all (Phil 4:13!), and I stand amazed at it. Simply blessed!
**** on my home front ****
Talk about blessed, Ade and I are just enjoying our moments with the little blessing that God entrusted us with since 16 Aug 2007... Emma Joy!
1. Much has been happening at home over the past few months. Emma's cruising a lot more now (yes yes, she's very wary and careful and isn't taking chances when it comes to walking, much like mommy when she was a baby.. heheh).
2. Emma's chatting a lot more now, talking in her own language, with those confident "as-a-matter-of-fact" facial expressions and vocal tones. Ade and I never fail to have a good laugh after playing "serious" with Emma, responding to her "as-a-matter-of-fact" chatters, as if we understood all that Emma was telling us, when in actual fact, we simply have no idea! hahaha...
3. Emma's responding a lot to our efforts to play with her. Peek-a-boo, love-love (which means hug), share (her "star" biscuit puffs).. just too much to describe, and I just can't find the words to describe the endearing moments, her cheekiness, playfulness... =P yes yes, she's very cheeky too! imitating us, e.g .sticking up her leg and shaking her finger, just as we always do when we shook our finger and said "no no, pls put down ur leg"!!
(Imitating Ade and I in "chiding" her)
4. But all these are taking a toll on Ade, who is now getting less and less rest (in terms of proper long sleep). Yet she's not complaining, nor did she give up (btw, her porridge is very tasty now!). She's one amazing mommy! I salute all mommies.. God bless mommies! =)
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