I know it has been a while since I made an entry because I've been rather busy taking care of Emma. But I need to get this off my chest and rant a bit here (now that Emma's asleep). Well, I’m usually a fairly easy-going person who’s always quite open to other people’s comments and feedback; in fact, my best friends had been telling me that I do allow others to sometimes even “climb all over me". I’m usually fine with that and I'll just allow myself to be subjected to criticisms if I see a greater good out of those criticisms, even when they're not justifiable in reflecting who I am and what I do… however, this time round, I’m feeling quite mad.
I am really upset over other people’s insensitive comments that I’m too anxious over Emma. Come on, I’m her mother, and I’m just responding to her needs! At almost 6 months, I should be able to tell from her body language and cries whether she’s tired, hungry or just simply wants a cuddle, right? All babies communicate by crying and they cry because they’ve got a need to be met. By responding to her cries promptly, I’m NOT displaying anxiousness, but rather I am showing her that I am there for her and I will try to meet her needs. In fact, I’ll gladly let other people carry her whenever I can so that I can take a break myself. However, I’ll most probably take over when I think she really needs me. In fact, people have commented that Emma is very well behaved from the fact that she’s able to sit quietly in her rocker and stroller for extended periods of time. I agree with them wholeheartedly! But then, when they hear her cry (she does have a loud voice), they'll sing a different tune.
I am content with the fact that all babies are different. Some babies are angel babies who’re not fussy and can sleep through the night. Emma, though well behaved at times, has her moods, and she is still waking up quite often in the night (especially after her bout of illness). I am not complaining because I've learnt not to compare with other babies. My little girl is unique in her own ways. She is definitely not someone who'll flash an easy smile, and she hates big movements and loud noises. She is an observer and she’ll only warm up to selective people whom she’s comfortable with. I think most of us are like that too. We have selective people whom we’re comfortable with and we wouldn’t like strangers to step within our comfort zones. To illustrate, if we do not like to be disturbed when we’re tired or hungry, what makes you think my baby will be responsive to you when she's tired or hungry? The only response she'll give is to cry. I have a problem with people who I’d warned not to touch her cheeks, to go near her, or to "coo-chi-coo" her, but still do it anyway despite my warnings. I am not disallowing them to go near my baby; it is just that I am able to tell what her mood is at that point in time because I’ve spent far more time with her than them with her. If she’s not in the mood for it, don’t risk it if you do not want her to cry. If she’s not ready for you yet, she’s not ready for you. Period. Even I sometimes do not succeed in soliciting a response from her when she’s not in the mood for it. So, wouldn’t it then be really strange if she performs for strangers she meets infrequently instead?
Come to think of it, it took me quite a while to build a bond with Emma too. I remembered her wailing lots when I tried to carry her or bathe her in her 1st month, so Roy was tasked to bathe her ever since the confinement lady left. I only took over from him last month when Roy’s increased work responsibilities prevented him from coming home early… Now, she only wants me to bathe her. =P (she's one smart little girl)
11 comments:
Emma is a good girl.
just ignore others' comment.
Mummy's learnt that dealing with young children, sometimes it can be very "throw face". but she's just got to ignore other people's stares and glares. Parents will understand. Non-parents, bless with a child someday.
Hey Ade, of course you ought to be anxious over Emma. She is a defenseless infant, what's wrong with doing what any mommy will do? I think sometimes, some people expect our babies to always be cheery and fun to "play" with. Pls lah, they are not toys to entertain them. Don't bother about these pp or let your spirit be disturbed. You are doing a wonderful job. She's a really sweet little girl. :)
Hann Hann and Sal, thanks for your encouragement and affirmation. Sometimes it's rather upsetting to have to be subject to "momzilla-like" comments from pple who're parents or non-parents alike. I particular don't believe in all that talk abt "training" a baby. If babies can be trained, they don't need parents. They just need a circus trainer with a whip. I just learnt of this phrase "you don't train babies, you train dogs". Crude as it may sound, but I thought it's so logical isn't it?
After becoming parents ourselves, we realise how intriguing the journey of parenthood and raising a child can be. At the end of the day, we ourselves know how blessed we are to be chosen by God to be stewards of this little unique child, who's ultimately God's child. We are blessed to be able to witness Emma's character and behavioural developments, to be there to see all the "firsts" in her life, and to be able exclusively interpret her sounds and body language to know her needs.
Well, we know whom we're answerable to when it comes to accounting our responsibilities as parents, and that is to our Father. Of course, we need godly wisdom to manage our other spiritual responsibilities as well. We thank you for praying for Ade, Emma and I as a family.
Amen to "you don't train babies, you train dogs"!
Hang in there Ade and Roy - I totally understand what you've written about. Like I said on Sunday, "Lucky for them we're in church, or else..." Hahah! Oops.
I don't know if you feel the same way, but I've been secretly dreading CNY. I keep thinking of all those comments I'm going to hear and how I'm going to respond without heat. I suppose we could practice and perfect the art of just walking away. Like a distracted sauntering off, so that it doesn't seem like an insult to whoever was talking to us. I've tried that once before. Haha!
Not Hann but Hann's Mummy said...
Training... hahaha.
I'm one of those who's been telling you that many things need to "train" from young.
like sitting in the car seat, pram, not lifting Mummy's blouse for milk in public or anywhere else for that matters, keeping the toys after playing, putting the shoes at the right place, etc.
I still believe that these things need to be "trained". esp sitting in the car seat. it's important for safety.
witness a friend's child walking about in the car and my friend told me that if I were not sitting in the front seat, the kid will be climbing to and fro the front and back seats. This is dangerous.
Thanks for all your encouragements. I'm feeling much better. Maybe Emma's just going through a phase now - recognizing people and being wary of strangers. I'm also very afraid of CNY too, cos she was crying the night away when my side of the family had our reunion dinner. She was in the "I can stare at you, but you can't stare at me" mood. =P Dunno how she would be when we had to go from places to places during the festive period. Keeping my fingers crossed that she'll not be too wired up.
As for "training", yes, I believe there're certain important safety habits we need to instill in our little ones. Even Proverbs mentioned disciplining our child so that they'll not be wayward in their ways. This is for their greater good. Maybe a friendlier term we could use is "teach/coach"? Teaching them the right habits to learn to ensure they behave well?
I feel that while we are teaching our kids to be "well behaved" children, we must first have the assurance in our own hearts that we are not "training" them to be good kids for others to see. If we can pass our own "conscience" test, then I really don't quite care what others are saying.
And discipline becomes pure punishment when there is no relationship involved. Cos a child can be sitting down physically, but "standing up" against you on the inside. As long as you have a relationship with your child, she'll listen cos she knows mommy/daddy knows best.
Sori, am I beginning to sound preachy? :P
Just my two cents' worth from my own parenting journey. :)
thanks ya'all for sharing your experiences.. Ade and I are gonna enjoy this parenting cum discovery journey.. on "training", I do think teaching might be a better description of what we intend to do.. of course, there'll be certain boundaries set for her, beyond which she'll have to learn to face the consequences of breaching those boundaries... and when Emma's much older, coaching's probably the more useful then.. hehehe.. I know it's easier said than done, but I guess we'll see how Emma develops and responds, and adapt our parenting styles accordingly
déjà vu
Both of you are doing better than me when I had Joe. =)
I was passive and caved in to some of the many advices offered by other parents/old folks thinking that they might know better than myself, a first time parent.
I was naive and wrong and that caused Joe many unccessary crying moments. I have learnt now to be tactful to some repeated advices offered (that act against our parenting styles) . For the few that misses the tact, I deliver our parenting styles/beliefs as it is. Blunt.
You are her mother and main caregiver. You (and Roy) know her needs far better than anyone else. =)
Sometimes I will still receive comments that the boys (esp Jav) are clingy/sticky to me. I tell them, "Yes they are and I like it".
I consider a privilege to be able to be there when my boys need me. Thanks much for sharing your experiences with us. We ourselves are still learning in this parenting journey alongside with the both of you too. =)
Hi,
Chanced upon your blog while I did a search for "Toyogo Drawers".
Dun worry about what other people says, at the end of the day, you are the one taking care of your girl in the long run. :)
Your daughter is very cute. Looks like a very happy baby. I hope mine will be like her. PS I am due in Mar 2008.
Glad to pass by.
Hi Phoebe's mummy,
Wow, I can't believe our blog is in google's hitlist for "Toyogo Drawers"! hahah -D
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments. I'm sure your little bundle of joy will melt your heart when she arrives in March too. (wow, that's any time soon). ;)
Do pop by again! Hope that you'll have a safe delivery and all the best!
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